1. |
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Perception’s reality. All that matters is what you think
I tried to build my legacy but realized it’s not up to me
Cause no one sees what’s in my head or all these internal actions
My thought process could cease to be and still it would not change a thing
Meaning is void.
If no one believes
Or looks at the world
Through the same lens as me
Will they understand
My reasons or ways?
There’s deeper meaning
Behind the words that I say
All I want is to leave knowing
That what I did possibly had some worth
But I’m frightened ‘cause that’s all out of my hands
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2. |
The Black Horse Of Night
02:34
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Lock me up inside this room
I’ve lost all of my will to move
I don’t really sleep these days
All I see are projections
And I can’t stand a single one
So I’ll lay in here and wait
I’m losing the feeling in all of my limbs
And thinking what’d happen if I cut off them
Maybe what I need is pain
I just really want to feel for once something that I know’s real
Have I finally gone insane?
My instincts tell me that I don’t have what it takes
What do I need to prove anyway?
This predisposition with feeling human
leaves me barely hanging on
Simple is hard for me
Wondering what’s in my head
If i’m still laying in that bed
Where is my mind taking me?
Am I alive or asleep?
I don’t control what I see
I don’t want to believe
How can I escape my surroundings?
Are these just my surreal dreams?
Odd shapes fill up the landscape
What is real? what is fake?
It’s funny what we choose to believe
Strange voices call out my name
Most of the time we pretend we’re ok
Am I alive or asleep?
Comfort is a fallacy
Our mind tricks us to think
That the world’s not as bad as it seems
Are these just surreal dreams?
How much more can I take
Something really must change
Morbid thoughts slowly overtake me
How will I ever escape?
The black horse of night haunts my dreams
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3. |
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It’s a feeling I get when I lie here alone
I’m not really afraid but it’s still something close
Inside my head I struggle with my thoughts on the meaning of death
This pressure that I feel is weighing me down.
I don’t wanna believe that all this time
I’ve spent living will be forgotten when I die
If history tells us anything
It’s that people aren’t worth remembering
They just seem to fit certain basic needs
Act as inspiration to go do greater things
And I’m stupid enough to still hold onto hope
To one day make a change with the words that I wrote
Can you see how I’m torn between truths I know
And what I wish could be if I were in control
I wanna believe but can not bring myself to suspend my disbelief
This burden is on me. I’m not sure there’s anything
That could fix my thinking or at least ease the pain
I refuse to adapt or ever change my ways
I’m selfish
So selfish
I just want to be important
Why must I feel this way at all?
I don’t think that anybody
Wants to be a nobody
Especially not me
Is this thinking healthy?
It’s easy to forget how fragile my thoughts can be
I wanna believe that someday someone will find some importance in me
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4. |
Montauk
05:30
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Once in a while when I daydream
I think about people who aren’t thinking of me
Time ripped us apart and sent us our own ways
Now I am stuck with only the memories
And a strong desire for my past to be forgotten
Some people affect us so strongly that they
Leave an impression that’s much to hard to erase
And we want to escape from our own thoughts that make
Us conjure up the times we’ve tried to bury away
It’s these feelings we hate They result in the pain
That is too much for a single person to bare
So I’ll do what I can but I don’t think I’ll stay
As you can probably guess I’m dealing with a few things
How long ’til I can leave
This stupid state of being?
I feel like I hate everything
I wish it’d go away
I’m still looking for a solution
Something that would make a change
But no matter what I try it won’t leave
Someone please come fix me
I’m not trying to live my life this way
Constantly too afraid
That I’m not strong enough to deal with pain
From the wounds that despite attempts never seem to heal
And over time I pick at them
I really wish I’d just forget
But as it stands they’re all still there
The constant cause of my despair
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5. |
Faking Orgasms
05:01
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Back and forth we play this game inside each other’s minds
We’ve been here before but we’re not really sure how to escape from it this time
Those five things you swore to me that night out in the street
Seem to be just another way for you to get ahead of me
Honestly I can not believe that I let it come this far
I’ve got reasons to doubt the words that escape your mouth even hold any weight anymore
And I’m not sure how I should tell you this
Cause I’m not really sure that you’ll wanna listen to it
You’re a liar. You’re a liar and a fake
You’re a liar. I can’t trust what I can’t see
But in my head I’ve got it all wrong
Cause I see you coming but I’m not sure where you’ll go
So I close my eyes and pretend I’m back home
Cause I see you coming but I’m not sure where you’ll go
I see you coming but I’m not sure where you’ll go
You’re a liar. You’re a liar and a fake
You’re a liar. I can’t trust what I can’t see
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6. |
January 27
02:13
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7. |
Daisy
06:23
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Just two blocks west
I sit inside of my new house thinking of when
I was a wreck
And could barely even get myself out of bed
The time that I spent
Dealing with emotions that I hardly knew that I had
Is better than now
Because lately I can’t find anything to care about
Time affects me more than place
I’m always trying much too hard to recreate
A feeling or general mood but never can
Even under what I thought was perfect circumstance
My thoughts get so messed up when
I can’t get the past out of my head
Feels like I am addicted to suffering
Isn’t it strange
How one simple thought can get your mind thinking
Of some old thing
And suddenly you want it back more than anything
Now I just crave
All the things that remind me of that emotional state
It’s my only way
To fill up the emptiness that is swallowing me
Time’s a broken picture frame that sits unfixed
I thought to myself
Wouldn’t life be easier if I could pretend
That for one day I don’t need pain?
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8. |
Aokigahara
11:51
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I’ve been reading all about this place
That some people call the sea of trees
A place so quiet you’re left examining
What choices took you down this path
And if it’s not too late for you to change your mind and turn back
I’ve been dreaming all about that place
The sea of trees appears so vividly
I hear a voice it softly calls to me
Pulling me towards my death
Convincing me that I should finally just give in
I’ve been questioning what all this means
And if I’m really this unhappy
Could I do this to my family
And all the people I care for?
What would they think If I were not to exist anymore?
It may be
That I need
Time to become
Socially
Adjusted
To the way of the world
Is it so bad to be wondering
If I were to die would it mean anything?
I think that you could agree with me
If I somehow showed you how much better off
I’d be without this hole in my chest
Now you might think that I’m
Exaggerating
But most people will never see
How much I’m actually struggling
On the surface it seems I might be ok
But I’m hiding thoughts no person should think
Looking for ways to put it to an end
Do you really want me to live like this?
Constantly questioning my existence
I just keep thinking about those dreams
An easy way for me to escape to the sea of trees
It’s pretty clear I need to make a change
My subconscious is telling me
that I should deal with these repressed emotions
Take me to the sea of trees and let me drown amongst the leaves
I don’t care what other people say
I’m just looking for a way to rid myself of all this pain
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Secret Grief Michigan
Polymorphic/experimental/emotional/ambient/orchestral/electronic/indie/rock band
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